Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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