I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
