70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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