i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
