the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
