I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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