You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
