I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
