I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
