Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
