Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
