she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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