Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
