mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
