he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize