i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
