I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
