love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
