I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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