I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
