ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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