dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize