I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
