a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
