taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
