This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
