she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
