she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
