Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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