Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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