i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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