Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
