Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
