I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize