And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
