I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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