Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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