I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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