i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
