You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
