oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
