You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
