no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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