This girl is more easily done than said...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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