TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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