based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
