i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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