There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
