We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
