Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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