and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
