You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
