dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
