I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
