I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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