Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
