Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
