I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
