it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
