He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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