well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my shit smells like andre
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
