My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
