put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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