New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
