I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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