I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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