sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
