I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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