This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its not stalking. its research.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
