im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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