just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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