I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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