Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize