my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
