remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
