please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
