She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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