So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
