The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
