The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
