i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i came on her dog
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
