grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
