From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
