i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
