i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ate ashes out of my bong
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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