My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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